Sunday, October 5, 2008

Lost..

What does one do when ur not at ur own place from d past one n a half month? No access to d net, no songs, no laptop, no ipod, and absolute boredom!
Here's my blog which is unattended, my novels which are left untouched, my laptop needs upgradation, my room needs grooming, and probably everything has changed...
Now wonder whats gonna happen after a natural disaster? As in, marriage :P
Well, it was d holy month of Ramadan n it was just the best Alhamdulillah! :) So no regrets, one should never regret..! Well, I dunno why I keep saying that everytime but still I end up in havin soooo many! :D
I've been away frm my own home, frm my sisters, frm my friends, from EVERYTHING!
And how does it feel? Feeels worse, worser when u cum bck n c no mails frm anyone! :D
Well, whts d cel phone 4 ? :D I'm just happy! For every small tiny change that has happened in me, for every bit that I changed! I love my new self:)
P.S: Changes are nt always physical :D

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Huh....

Well, come to think of it we just say its our life and we are the masters of our life and all crap! But which is just not true at all.... It has been the way only our parents want it to be! After all trying 2 persuade them to allow us to work from the past years and Lo! All efforts in vain! is just one of the few things that proves that its not really our life! And here we are struggling to make them understand! And someone rightly told DONT GIVE UP! Do hell with trying and trying and trying! Whts d use when u succeed when u hve lost all the time in dis world? HUH!...

Friday, June 6, 2008

Carry Me in ur arms...

I read this article few days back and loved it very much...
Thought everyone should read this once...!

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, " you are not a man!"

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did'nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the b us to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship."

Saturday, April 5, 2008

LoST...

For the fear of loosing you...
Just going away from you...
Wanted to be always with you...
If there was anything it was you...
If there was everything it was you...
I kept saying it to you...
Love me from the heart of you...
Realisation never dawned upon you...
But i could never get over you...
Lost myself in knowing you...
Waited this very long for you...
Wish you could be the real you...
Lived the good life with you...
Learnt the tough from you...
Was fortunate enough to be with you...
Cant be anymore with you...
Cant hurt you for you.......................................

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

ScArEd...!!

A strange thought just passed by
Making a strong me almost cry!!
Its just you whom i want to stand by
Never ever leave me till i die!!
The end of life is nearing by
Understand me as i dont lie!!
In a month i will be leaving my sky
Dont know when can i again fly!!
Give me your time before it flies by
Love me back if i cant try!!