Its my life....Its my world....

Lost..

2008-10-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

What does one do when ur not at ur own place from d past one n a half month? No access to d net, no songs, no laptop, no ipod, and absolute boredom!
Here's my blog which is unattended, my novels which are left untouched, my laptop needs upgradation, my room needs grooming, and probably everything has changed...
Now wonder whats gonna happen after a natural disaster? As in, marriage :P
Well, it was d holy month of Ramadan n it was just the best Alhamdulillah! :) So no regrets, one should never regret..! Well, I dunno why I keep saying that everytime but still I end up in havin soooo many! :D
I've been away frm my own home, frm my sisters, frm my friends, from EVERYTHING!
And how does it feel? Feeels worse, worser when u cum bck n c no mails frm anyone! :D
Well, whts d cel phone 4 ? :D I'm just happy! For every small tiny change that has happened in me, for every bit that I changed! I love my new self:)
P.S: Changes are nt always physical :D

Huh....

2008-06-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

Well, come to think of it we just say its our life and we are the masters of our life and all crap! But which is just not true at all.... It has been the way only our parents want it to be! After all trying 2 persuade them to allow us to work from the past years and Lo! All efforts in vain! is just one of the few things that proves that its not really our life! And here we are struggling to make them understand! And someone rightly told DONT GIVE UP! Do hell with trying and trying and trying! Whts d use when u succeed when u hve lost all the time in dis world? HUH!...

Carry Me in ur arms...

2008-06-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

I read this article few days back and loved it very much...
Thought everyone should read this once...!

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, " you are not a man!"

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did'nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the b us to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship."

LoST...

2008-04-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

For the fear of loosing you...
Just going away from you...
Wanted to be always with you...
If there was anything it was you...
If there was everything it was you...
I kept saying it to you...
Love me from the heart of you...
Realisation never dawned upon you...
But i could never get over you...
Lost myself in knowing you...
Waited this very long for you...
Wish you could be the real you...
Lived the good life with you...
Learnt the tough from you...
Was fortunate enough to be with you...
Cant be anymore with you...
Cant hurt you for you.......................................

ScArEd...!!

2008-03-18T08:57:00.000-07:00

A strange thought just passed by
Making a strong me almost cry!!
Its just you whom i want to stand by
Never ever leave me till i die!!
The end of life is nearing by
Understand me as i dont lie!!
In a month i will be leaving my sky
Dont know when can i again fly!!
Give me your time before it flies by
Love me back if i cant try!!

Obsession....

2008-02-23T12:41:00.000-08:00

I dont really watch the idiot box but when this advertisement happened to catch my sight i noticed d tagline "Obsessed with quality- SKODA" Thats when i thought what am i obsessed with...
What does one mean by Obsession ?
Its when u pre-occupy yourself but u never know if the preoccupation is disturbing us....
The thoughts become persistent and disturb us day and night...
It rarely happens dat ppl knw wht they r obsessed with....
Of late i have seen ppl obsessed with Authority....
Do something,get ur way and there u r - on the top...! Huh....
Love in itself is obsession so dats a different case altogether..!!
Well, im stil searchin d answer 2 my question...
Am i obsessed about frnds? Is dat a kind of obsession ? And if it is then is it disturbing me?
Confused big time...!! I really dont know....!! Whtevr d obsession is i only knw dat any kind of obsession is bad....But still u never know ;);)

Lesson learnt....

2008-02-13T08:49:00.000-08:00

Appreciated and applauded for..Feels gr8, doesnt it ? I have always believed in the statement that "When u laugh at urself no one will laugh at you"... It was heavens being appreciated for something that you love doing... The entire week was a thrilling experience... 2nd Feb,'Entrepreneurship Conference'...Did d compering, was appreciated and congratulated....Felt overconfident ? Well,of course i did..Who wudnt feel on cloud nine after being specially called and appreciated ;).. Did d compering for d next event 'Panel Discussion' on 5th Feb and just imagine what happened...! Have u evr heard of an english statement "We r glad 2 leave u sir" ? Well,if u havent then it was me who said dat 2 d Chief Guest who had 2 leave !! And trust me,the whole hall bursted in laughter...! And i was the first to laught at my own self.....:) It was a real gud experience....I thank God for makin me realise that NOTHING N NO ONE IS PERFECT...!
D memories i have collected are for years to preserve...! I learnt how to gel with ALL kinds of people... And trust me when i say ALL i mean ALL ;)...Life teaches us lessons in many forms and i have learnt many by doing team-work....It wasnt dat dis was my first time but now i know what Professional Life means ;) Like they say All good things cum 2 an end , n then internals...Huh....Now thats a task...! Carried off well :)....Does posting mean writing about a topic in particular or d posts can b lik d pages frm ur personal diary, eh ? ;) Figurin out on that one thou.....

E-Week...

2008-02-03T08:58:00.001-08:00

Posting is kinda great but it just cant be any other post and anything written....
Im gonna post a memorable xperience n lovely memories once i get hold of all of dem....
So 9th feb inshallah i wud b posting....
And MJCET is gonna rock in d entire Entrepreneurship-Week.....
Im proud to be a part of the team.....And im happy....!!
Long Live Entrepreneurship-Cell....!!!

Jealousy or possessiveness ?...

2008-01-12T04:53:00.000-08:00

I have always found myself feeling jealous for almost all reasons and for the most part the reasons would definitely be silly....[:D]
As a child,I used 2 feel jealous of people having something that i dont have and i always craved for having it... That period of time passed away in no time and i grew up.... As children we all feel jealous of what others have which we obviously do not....[:)]
Never knew growin up would be so difficult... I met people,made new friends and learnt to live life the easy way...All was well... Suddenly people became close,they became special to me...They entered my life and made a difference to me and to my life...I made a comfort zone around myself...I lived for the ones whom i considered special....I lived for the ones whom i loved[:)]....Thats where the feelings of jealousy striked again....I dint want to share my loved ones with anyone and especially not atleast with the people i despised... The truth is always bitter and it was like a sudden bolt....The "Miss J" thingy always made me brood over it.... And it was of late that i realised every human has a small jealousy factor in him somewhere.....
And yes i would feel jealous when it comes to sharing my loved ones...Be it a one-line conversation or a simple hello....Ahhh that would make me shoot the intruder.....[;)] Intruder as in-k human,get a life,the person ur trying 2 get acquainted with is mine....hee hee hee [;))] And which brought with it the realisation that life is not easy...Its tough.... Its hard.... So let be....How would it be to take the road less travelled? I solemnly believe in the fact that never let people know that you love them and if you let them know dont regret because if you regret then you apologise for saying the truth.....[;)]

Blogging World,,,,,

2007-12-18T06:11:00.000-08:00

Audacious or Au fait ?
Convinced or Construed ?
Emendatory or emotive?
Call it anything but ur blog describes you! Primarily U.....[;)]
For the most part my post revolves around blogging....
It would be just a leap in the dark if you attempt to write....[:)]
All you need is to be straight forward..Come on people,dont be afraid of calling a spade a spade..[;)]
Did someone read the article in The TOI few days back which describes Aamir Khan's persona to be a secluded person? And those who have read,definitely know that he connects through millions of people through his blogs...What a way to connect with people.....!!
I myself made two blogger accounts and here with the final one....[:D]
Its no child's play but with interest you can even dash off pages in two mins....!! [;)]
The devil-may-care sort can start writing away,eh....Works as a perfect global environment for all you shy souls out there....
Come on in,write what all you can and you always have the advantage of letting your identity stay anonymous,rt? [;)]
Its a stress buster too...! When stressed out,life has beaten the hell out of u,just try to reveal your thoughts on paper and Lo! your post is ready...
Updation of ur blog at regular intervals is still a moot question though......[:)]
The blogging world appears to be a royal world-no difficulties.....
Being passionate in whatever you do would be the best help you can provide yourself with...
Look at me,i have a passionate ardour for everything....LOL....!!
Writing means taking out some rich,deep,thick n velvety duration of time which thrives on rhythm and leaves you soulful and happy!
After all,true happiness is what everyone wants.....[:)]

Thinkin? Huh....!!

2007-12-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered over the fact why rich people are depressed? Why,u thought only the poor feel miserable eh? Ha,there you go wrong..Because it is common sense to understand that the poor are miserable but even the well-heeled are depressed..! Lets think of an answer..Can u think of something? Well a/c 2 me the only evident answer is DESIRE FOR MORE..!! Dont u think everything falls in place after seeing that answer?
Desire For More-Yes,that is the answer... No second thoughts on that...!
Can anyone ever have enough of anything? Look at me,putting on oodles of kilos but can never have enough of ice-cream..Ah,ice-cream...!! [:)]
Life is generally divided into 3 parts..
The PAST - which is no longer there....
The PRESENT - which we ruin by thinking of the future
&
The FUTURE - of which no one is sure of...!!
Come to think of it,its only the present that we have with us which is completely in our hands and we decide how to make the most of it...Lets enjoy it completely,live life as though its the last best thing..[;)]
Thinking, grieving, sulking, worrying would do you no good..!! I strongly believe in the fact that THINKING is unreal,now thats what i call a bald statement...[:)]

Guilt Pangs...

2007-12-08T04:15:00.000-08:00

I dont know whether its a misconception or not but its always noticed that women harbour feelings of guilt !! Consider me,why do i feel that im responsible for everything to be right?(also for everything to be wrong).Like all emotions associated with women-GUILT is the one constant emotion.Be it your professional life or be it personal compromise-u cant escape its pointed jibes!! Every woman feels guilty at times.Be it a daughter,a mother,a lover,a worker-EVERY ONE..!!
Come to think of myself I seriously sometimes brood-what good have i been at? NOTHING? Yeh,u guessed it right..[:D] I have been a guilty daughter-never tried to understand my parents and my responsibilities of being the eldest! I have been a guilty lover-maybe im responsible for failing relationships! I cannot compromise on my expectations from my partner,expectations hurt-i know they do,ive already written a post on that.Somehow i think that your individual success depends on external factors like successful relationships..!! I have been a guilty friend-dint think how important it was to show love and concern for ur best friend,thought she would foresee my feelings for her! Huh,how wrong i was..!! I have been a guilty student?(I know all of us are)-I tend to loose track of what im studying and how am i supposed to prove my worth bein an above-avg student..!
GUILTY-GUILTY-GUILTY-thats what the judge's verdict is! I know there are so many things which i cannot do and i say so! Think of it the positive way-If you have made a choice,there is no point feeling guilty about it.If you are committed to what you are doing then guilt should have no place in your life..!!
Come on ya-Im no SuperWoman,,! Cant really manage everything without going wrong! Making a pact with guilt seems to be the solution here. In the end i must say that relationships and guilt go hand in hand

Xpectations...

2007-12-08T04:13:00.000-08:00

Expectations hurt-Yes,they do ! The most common phenomenon is that when one loves one expects.Giving love leaves us with a purely human need to receive something in return. Expectations. What do we ultimately have when we have expectations? We just take ourselves for granted and live in the constant fear that this is all that i can give,You start feeling that something you are giving has no value.
How many expectations do we have once we offer love? As humans we can become upset,angry,confused,resentful,frustrated and the list of emotions will be endless but do we stop expecting? We create our own reality so why does the word expectation still linger? The state of acceptance is the only state that tells you that things will happen only according to what HE wants.We are often yoo busy dwelling on the negative aspects while disregarding the positive.Who are we to judge the decisions taken by HIM million years ago? Sounds like a never ending debate but yes that is what the question will remain-What is a person supposed to do when he expects? Leave everything to HIM & pray OR continue expecting???

Destiny....

2007-12-08T04:11:00.000-08:00

Destiny-Heard someone saying 'I dont know what to do?Its just destiny!' How many times has something happened,something we cannot really control? How close have u tried to understand the word 'destiny'?
U'r confused,you sometimes think that destiny does exist and sometimes you say its a prank played by destiny on us.Enjoy the present and live life to the fullest-that goes for people who think there is no past and no future.
Can knowing our destiny really change it? Destiny has loads in store for us,how many of us just leave everything to destiny? Or are you among those who believe that their life is in their hands?To them life is just the consequences of choices,choices-made by them..Everyone is entitled to their own point of view.No perception is right or wrong.I myself believe that life is full of decisions and choices,you can run away from your destiny but you can never hide....!!